Happiness Tool : Optimism

Happiness Tool : Optimism

The biggest difference between optimists and

pessimists is that optimists assume good

things are permanent and pervade every area

of their lives, and they assume bad things are

temporary and isolated to their limited context.

Pessimists do the opposite.

For most things that happen in life, we’ll never

know the real reason why they happened, if

there even was one, so we might as well use

the more positive interpretation when we

explain things to ourselves.

For example, say I apply for a job but don’t

hear back. If I’m an optimist, I’ll assume that

it’s nothing personal and I will get a job

eventually, whether this one or a different one.

In contrast, if I’m a pessimist, I might start

freaking out that nobody wants to hire me

because I’m fundamentally flawed, I will never

get a job, and nothing will ever get any better.

It’s the reverse for positive events. Let’s say I

enter a picture I took in a photography

contest, and win. If I’m an optimist, I will

explain it as being a good photographer and

having a lot of success in life overall, whereas

if I’m a pessimist, I’m more likely to say it was

a fluke, or I just got lucky this time.

It seems pretty obvious that the optimistic

approach will lead to more positive feelings.

But is it foolish to think that way?

I say no. We never learn the true explanation

for most situations in life. Was the cashier rude

to you because he looks down on you, or

because he’s having a rotten day? Chances

are, you’ll never know, but the fact is, people

mostly think about themselves and their own

issues. If they do something thoughtless, it’s

probably just that: thoughtlessness. Even in

the rare case that someone is trying to hurt

you, it’s because they’re screwed up or

suffering in some way—it’s still really not about

you. It’s far more likely the cashier was rude

because of something in his own life.

Furthermore, you will be happier if you assume

his bad manners are due to his own issues.

That’s two good reasons to assume it has

nothing to do with you and move on.

Any time you have a choice, choose to explain

good situations to yourself as pervasive and

long-term, and bad situations as temporary

and isolated. Refuse to take bad things

personally. Even if you don’t believe these

explanations at first, just assume them for the

sake of argument, and see how it works out.

I’m betting you’ll like it enough to stick with it.